I cant talk to him when he's around?

we have so much to talk about. it's been more than a year that we sort of "broke up", but we werent really in a relatiosnhip, we were just starting to date, and then too many arguments, too many fights and once i lied him about something , he got mad,,,,,and thought we arent for each other. but before that he did tell me that he loved me more than anything, but i never told him about MY feelings. so then we were friends, cuz he wanted to remain friends. he would come to see me often and i just couldnt talk. he would ask me talk to me tell me is there anything u wanna say, i couldnt even say sorry for lying. and i think he knows that i still love him and want me to say it, but whenever i am near him i just cant talk. im not a shy girl usually, i talk ALLOT, even on the phone with him or texting, but when i see him i dont say a word. and he says that i'm ignoring him when he's around, and i really amm, i can't even look at him! But he always seats so close to me and kisses my cheeks all the time, i dont want to let him to do so but i cant control my feelings. he plays with my hair hold my hands and hugs me all the time, but he says we're friends and that he cant trust me again :(((( i'll even give up my life for him. i love him to death and will always feel this way. i see my future with HIM.... How CAn I talk to him/?? I have soooooo much to tell him but i canttt say a word